Abstract: Disclosed herein is a self-dispensing cooler comprising a) a cabinet defined by a plurality of opposing walls and a top and a bottom; b) a filling means for adding items to said cabinet located near the top of one of said walls; c) a dispensing means positioned vertically distal from said filling means on one of said walls; and d) a cooling means positioned at least partially inside said cabinet wherein said cooling means defines an inclined channel connecting said filling means to said dispensing means. The self-dispensing cooler is preferably portable.