Abstract: The covert pipe apparatus for facilitating smoking tobacco is disclosed. The pipe apparatus includes a tubular element having a first end and a second end and a hollow semi-cylindrical element for holding tobacco during smoking, wherein the hollow semi-cylindrical element fits securely within the tubular element and includes perforations in its surface. The pipe apparatus further includes a first torus located on a first end of the hollow semi-cylindrical element, wherein a flame ingresses into the first torus during smoking and a second torus located on a second end of the hollow semi-cylindrical element, wherein smoke from burning tobacco egresses from the second torus during smoking. The pipe apparatus also includes a functional element, such as a pen, pencil, laser pointer, or flashlight, for coupling to the first end of the tubular element, when the pipe apparatus is not in use for smoking.